These pages present regular updates of the published words of representatives of Religious Right organisations in Australia together with their sympathisers.
Note: Other fundamentalist quotes can be found in our Discussion Forum under the heading Fundy Funnies.
Peter Stokes, Salt Shakers, email to supporters, 19 Dec. 2007:
IVF and surrogacy for same-sex and single people will indeed create a STOLEN generation ... [Some] children ... will be raised by two mums or two dads living in unnatural, dysfunctional relationships. Children [will be] born with three mums and a dad ... or any other combination that surrogacy and/or infertility treatment social engineers can dream up!
[Speaking of dreaming things up, Pete, you seem to be doing a pretty good job yourself.]
More Peter Stokes, ibid.:
When [Salt Shakers] appeared on Ch. 9's 'Sixty Minutes' program some years ago, one scenario involved a very immature homosexual who 'desperately wanted a baby'.
['Immature', eh? Glass houses, Peter, glass houses.]
One more from Pete, ibid.:
Once again, a small percentage (very few homosexuals want children) of a small percentage are able to destroy normality to suit their own personal unnatural lifestyle choices.
[And if you want to know what 'normality' entails, Salt Shakers will be only too glad to enlighten you.]
Cardinal George Pell, 'On the need for healthy scepticism', Sydney Daily Telegraph, 30 Dec. 2007:
We need rigorous cost-benefit analysis of every proposal and healthy scepticism of all semi-religious rhetoric about the climate ...
[George, do you also recommend healthy scepticism of all totally religious rhetoric about the climate and everything else?]
Bill Muehlenberg, A Major Rethink on Church Growth, comment dated 5 Nov. 2007:
As a young believer I was a zealous defender of truth and orthodoxy, and was willing to challenge anyone and anything, often in a most arrogant and un-Christlike manner.
[Bill, you mean, you were just like you are now?]
More Muehlenberg, The Bitter Fruit of the Coercive Utopians, 30 Oct. 2007:
We are getting glimpses of the future and it is not looking too good. We are seeing how radical political agendas are being implemented throughout the Western world, along with the ugly consequences which inevitably follow.
[For Bill, 'radical political agendas' include things like access to cheap, safe and legal abortion, basic civil rights for homosexuals, and the right to see adult relationships depicted in movies and on television. Indeed, 'radical' is Bill's omnibus term for practically everything of which he disapproves, otherwise known as 'modernity'.]
Jonathan Sarfati, Creation Ministries International, ibid., comment dated 31 Oct. 2007, posted shortly before the recent federal election:
This is probably what we will be in for in Australia if we elect Chairman KRudd and Comrade Gillardova.
[When queried about the degree of maturity on display here, Master Jonathan tartly replies (a) that they are extremely witty remarks, and (b) that Jesus used to say just the same sort of things and nobody picked on him, not even secular humanist garbage like you. So there.]
Bill Muehlenberg, 'Dear friends' letter to close supporters, 4 Dec. 2007:
Gee, it did not take very long. Just a week [after] the election and moves for special rights for homosexuals are appearing around the country ... One of the concerns [about] a federal Labor election win was that nothing would now stand between the homosexual activists and the institutions of marriage and family ... There is now almost nothing politically that can stop the homosexual juggernaut.
[Bill rambles on for a while about 'evil', 'lunacy' and 'madness'. What a pity someone didn't read him The Boy Who Cried Wolf when he was a kid.]
'Trudi', a volunteer at Pregnancy Counselling Australia (run by Margaret Tighe's Right to Life Australia), Right To Life News Special Issue, Nov/Dec 2007, 3:
I explained the procedure of a late-term abortion [to a caller who is the mother of a pregnant woman]. The mother was appalled. I also described the abortion/breast cancer risk, infections, miscarriages, etc. and asked whether the mother had any belief system. She is Catholic. She agreed that Jesus would not approve of the abortion.
[Oh well, Trudi, just so long as you gave her unbiased, rational advice then.]
Summit Australia, 'Christian Worldview School' enrolment form, Nov. 2007:
Summit: Australia's Christian Worldview School (University Accredited)
['University accredited', eh? This conference is being held at Deakin University, Burwood, Melbourne, between 14-19 January 2008. I didn't think that Deakin or any other self-respecting university would 'accredit' a series of lectures being given by the likes of creationists Peter and Jenny Stokes, Bill Muehlenberg and Tas Walker, so I had a look at the fine print. Ah, here it is: 'Undergraduate students participating in the Summit Worldview School can earn university credit towards their degree from Liberty University.' Liberty University is the late Rev. Jerry Falwell's fundamentalist Baptist university located in Lynchburg, Virginia. Mystery solved.]
Alex Williams, Creation Ministries International (CMI), flyer for their Starlight, Time and the New Physics book, distributed Nov. 2007:
The idea that God created the universe in six days just a few thousand years ago is now not only intellectually respectable, it's a far better explanation for what we observe than its competitors.
[As far as I'm aware, Alex Williams' only claim to fame is that he writes for CMI's Creation magazine. Can't they find a slightly more impressive blurb-writer than this?]
Gary Bates, CMI, Revisiting history to write a new future leaflet, Dec. 2007, 1:
The legalisation of abortion in many countries has its foundational roots in the theory of evolution ... Our speakers go out week after week, church after church, and meeting after meeting to expose people to the truth about evolution, and that it is merely a belief system designed to deny the Creator of the universe His due glory.
[Gary, do be careful when mixing pure fantasy with paranoia. You're liable to come up with Young Earth Creationism.]
Clifford Wilson, editorial, New Life, 6 Dec. 2007:
'New Life' has a clear policy of not being actively involved in politics, and while some may not agree with that position, it has been faithfully observed during these weeks of electioneering.
[I hope you kept a straight face while writing this, Cliff. I've never seen such a set of pro-Coalition articles in New Life prior to a federal election and I've been reading your boring rag for many years.]
Janne and Murray Peterson, Good Report, editorial, Oct.-Dec. 2007, 2, regarding the November 2007 federal election:
[O]f course, if Australians elect a majority of candidates who will outlaw free speech from a Biblical ethical standpoint, then the publication of 'Good Report' may be banned!
[Hmm. Circulation of two men and a dog, and no one else has ever heard of you. You're pretty safe, I reckon.]
More from the Petersons (ibid.):
At this election there is a risk that the Labor Party could gain control of the Australian Parliament as well as every state parliament. If this occurred then it would unfortunately provide the Labor Party an unusual opportunity to be wicked.
[Oh no! And I'm only just recovering from the strip club episode.]
And just in case you hadn't got the message (ibid., 5):
As every state is already controlled by Labor, if the Labor Party wins the election, then Australia will be totally - state by state and nationally - controlled by LABOR. There will be no governing opposition in any Parliament in Australia.
[As far as I know, there' s never been a 'governing opposition' in any parliament in history, but it's certainly an interesting idea. Thanks, Janne and Murray.]
Janne Peterson, 'The home, the church and the government', ibid., 9:
To believe in separation of church and state is OK, if you simply believe that 'the state' should not interfere in church matters, but when Christians believe that the church has no say in 'state' matters they become their own worst enemy.
[And a lot of people would agree with you, Janne. Let's see, there's Calvin, Savonarola, the entire American religious right. Theocracy forever!]
Hannah Olvida, 'Hannah means "the grace of God"', ibid., 22:
(Q. When you were studying for your degree, did you find any conflict with your Christian beliefs?)
A. Yes, pretty much 95% of what they taught in Teachers' College conflicted with the Bible. To mention some [examples], many lecturers, if not all, believed that children are born good, and this is completely opposite to what the Bible says ... They are also breaking down gender roles ... In their theories of teaching, they really wanted us to teach children that there are no such things as boys' toys and girls' toys. [There] are only toys for everyone ... This paves the way for children to think that homosexuality is okay when it is an abomination unto the Lord.
[It's just a wild guess, but I think Hannah might have some problems with feminism and the theory of evolution? So call me crazy.]
Michael and Debi Pearl, 'How to train up a child', ibid., 24:
You should teach your children of God's judgments, of heaven and hell, and the awful consequences of sin, but not as a means to manipulate their daily behaviour.
[And precisely how does one accomplish this apparently impossible feat?]
Right to Life Association (Margaret Tighe), RTLA News, Nov. 2007, 1, re asking major party candidates about their views on abortion, voluntary euthanasia etc.:
Don't allow them to avoid a proper response as to how they would vote [on these issues] if elected to Parliament. For example, some might say - 'Oh, I'm a Christian', or 'I go to church' or 'I'd really need to look at the legislation first'.
[What a great idea, Margaret. Making MPs vote on laws they've never seen. It'd save so much time.]
'Researchers find sexual orientation can change', Family World News (Rev. Fred Nile), Nov. 2007, 11:
C. S. Lewis said that science produced by Christians would have to be 'perfectly honest. Science twisted in the interests of apologetics would be sin and folly.'
[This would be one of C. S. Lewis's better ideas. What a pity that the Christian Right, especially the creationist contingent, have totally ignored it.]
Richard Eason, 'The key issue of the coming federal election', Salt Shakers Journal (SSJ), Nov. 2007, 4:
Hopelessness and cynicism are prevalent when humanism persuades people that life is an evolutionary accident, with no meaning except breeding for survival. The family is undermined by the humanist view that it is just an evolutionary survival mechanism, rather than a haven of sacrificial love.
[I wonder if just reading this sheer nonsense constitutes a risk factor for clinical depression.]
'News and Action', SSJ, Nov. 2007, 7:
Heinz Advertisement ... This ad is shown in prime time and features transsexuality to sell baked beans. Action: Please write to Heinz. Ask them not to use transsexualism to sell baked beans, especially since children often eat baked beans and are watching at the times the ad is shown.
[Well, first I'd have to know what the transsexuals were doing with the baked beans.]
[Alternative punchline: I've heard of 'Dutch oven', but this is ridiculous.]
Roger Marks, Drouin Vic., letter in Sunday Herald Sun, 21 Oct. 2007, as quoted in SSJ, Nov. 2007, 10:
'Gays buy twins' says it all. A new handbag to add to their collection, albeit an expensive one at $133,000. More than 3000 pieces of research show that children are best served with a married mother and father.
[Oh, Roger, only 3,000 pieces of research? Most of your Christian Right colleagues say (well, I mean 'invent') 10,000! You really must catch up on your reading.]
Augusto Zimmermann, 'Democracy and Basic Human Rights: Two Christian Inventions', SSJ, Nov. 2007, 12:
The notion that law and basic human rights are inseparable derives from the biblical description that God has expressly revealed his 'higher law', and that, accordingly, this higher law must be placed above the law of the state.
[If you're unsure of the nature and extent of this 'higher law' that outranks mere statute and common law, don't worry. I'm sure Augusto will be only too pleased to explain it to you.]
More Augusto, ibid., 13:
Our present conception of democracy certainly did not exist prior to the advent of Christianity.
[Nor did it exist prior to the advent of the Enlightenment. Why are you frowning, Augusto? Didn't they teach the Enlightenment at your alma mater, the Pontifical Catholic University of Rio de Janeiro?]
Elaine Nile, Christian Democratic Party, 'Elaine's Perspective', Family World News, Sept. 2007, 5:
Here is good advice: 'Always speak as one who learns and not as one who knows.' ... [Two paragraphs later] God's Word does not support sodomy in any way, any time. It calls this lifestyle an ABOMINATION!
[Elaine is known far and wide for her consistency. Or perhaps that's some other Elaine.]
'Prayer Points', Family World News, Sept. 2007, 8:
Please pray for spiritual protection over [Christian Democratic Party leaders] Fred [Nile] and Gordon [Moyes] over the month. 'See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, because the days are evil.' Eph 5:15, 16.
[I've been praying that one for years but it never seems to do the slightest good, they still behave like fools. Maybe it's my delivery.]
Salt Shakers, email to supporters, 11 Sept. 2007, regarding complaints to Californication advertisers:
Lovable Underwear ... [T]hey have Jennifer Hawkins in underwear saying 'Your power over men is in direct proportion to the cuteness of your undies.'
[Yes, terrible plagiarism. I'm sure Isaac Newton thought exactly the same thing in 1687.]
Warwick Marsh, Fatherhood Foundation, speech to Lone Fathers' Convention, 8-9 August 2007, Parliament House, Canberra, email to supporters, 13 Aug. 2007:
In 1975 the current Family Law Act was introduced into parliament by the late Justice Lionel Murphy. The overriding ambition of Justice Lionel Murphy was to remove any vestige of the Judeo Christian ethic from our national life ... There is no doubt that Justice Lionel Murphy was successful in his goal to eradicate all our links with the Judeo Christian ethic in both law and society ...
[Warwick, if the 'Judeo Christian ethic' has vanished from our national life, why do groups like yours keep campaigning so hard for its preservation? How can we preserve something that isn't there?]
Mark Rabich, Abortion again, CultureWatch, comment dated 23 Aug. 2007:
I believe a fundamental difference between my [male] viewpoint and [that of my female opponent] is that I can probably find it a little easier to be objective, precisely because I can never be pregnant.
[Mark is now living on a heavily-fortified island, 2,500 km from the nearest woman. He'd be well-advised to stay there.]
Bill Muehlenberg, More public God loathing, CultureWatch, 11 Aug. 2007:
... [A]ccording to the secularists, both [John Howard and Kevin Rudd], especially Howard, have a ten-point plan to turn Australia into something like Geneva under Calvin, Scotland under Knox, or New England under the Puritans.
[Two funny things here. Firstly, Muehlenberg's standard technique of drowning both his readers and himself in hyperbole. And secondly, a failure to openly avow his own dominionist objective, namely, an Australia governed by biblical law - in other words, something that would look very like Calvin's Geneva or New England under the Puritans.]
Maryse Usher, Abortion again, CultureWatch, comment dated 18 Aug. 2007:
Abortion is always objectively evil and never necessary ... Women who abort are no judge of whether abortion has harmed them or not. People commit all sorts of crimes. Some repent, some don't. Crime is still crime.
[Enjoy it while it lasts, God. One of these days Maryse will be knocking on your door and then I'd bale right out if I were you.]
Tim Cannon, (National Civic Council's) Thomas More Centre, Melbourne, 'Abortion: an unanswered question', News Weekly, 15 Sept. 2007, 18:
For opponents of abortion ..., it is vital that we proceed with charity and patience, mindful that our goal is to protect the health and safety of unborn children and the women who bear them. We cannot underestimate the potential for carelessly flung words of zealous condemnation to savage the hearts of women who have experienced the tragedy and trauma of abortion.
[Er, Tim, you might need to have a quick word to Maryse.]
Ewan McDonald, Christian Democratic Party, Abortion again, CultureWatch, comment dated 21 Aug. 2007:
Elka, you said, 'It is inherently wrong to rail against women who have abortions or who are considering abortion without offering viable alternatives and supporting policies that would benefit women and children'. I challenge that type of thinking. If we really believe abortion to be murder, then why is it 'inherently wrong' to condemn the practice without offering 'viable alternatives'?
[Can't fault the logic, Ewan. Completely inhuman position, but perfectly logical.]
[By the way, Ewan posted a clarification of his earlier gaffe, which appeared to call for the re-stigmatisation of children born to unmarried parents. 'No, no', wailed Ewan. 'I only meant society should attach a stigma to the fornicating parents, not the children'. Could give rise to some interesting conversations: 'Hey, Mum, how come the neighbours only talk to me and never to you?' Good thinking, Ewan.]
Stephen White, Greenwith SA, letter in New Life, 13 Sept. 2007:
... [N]ote how quickly [Kevin Rudd] attacked the Exclusive Brethren for talking to Coalition parties. Most ['New Life'] readers might take some exception to the legalism of the Exclusive Brethren, but I would think we are far closer to them than [to] those ALP feminists in the Victorian ALP pushing for abortion for convenience.
[This is one of very few references to the Exclusive Brethren's (EB) political antics that have appeared in Christian Right journals or on their websites. This is because, as Stephen suggests, there is little or no distinction between the political views of the Brethren and those of most New Life readers: 'Those EBs sometimes go a bit far, but let's not publicly criticise our blood brothers.']
Clifford Wilson, creationist extraordinaire, New Life, 13 Sept. 2007, 4:
The 'Sydney Morning Herald' again brings us the usual evolutionary nonsense about a fossil find that revises our evolutionary timetable.
[See, as far as Cliff is concerned, revision of a theory is a sign of fundamental weakness. Sticking to your guns about Genesis creation and Noah's flood, come hell or high water (small pun there), is a sign of great intellectual strength. No wonder creationism has failed to contribute anything at all to the sum of human knowledge.]
Rev. Fred Nile, Christian Democratic Party, editorial, Family World News, Sept. 2007, 2, regarding the proposed Australian Citizenship Test:
My concern relates to Question 9 - 'Does Australia have an official or state religion?' The answer given is 'Australia has no official or state religion.' The answer should be redrafted to read - 'The majority of Australians, according to the census, claim to be Christians of various churches, and even though there is no established or state church, Australia is a Christian nation with its heritage, laws and culture.'
[Well, if you can pull that one off, Fred, I will personally kiss your ... hand.]
Ewan McDonald, Christian Democratic Party, A Review of Conjugal America, CultureWatch, comment dated 5 Sept. 2007:
We also need a restoration of the stigma of illegitimacy and cohabitation of unmarried couples.
[Yes, that'd teach those base-born bastards to choose their parents more carefully. Isn't Ewan a little treasure?]
Andrew Kulikovsky, creationist, Faith, Leadership and Politics, CultureWatch, comment dated 12 Aug. 2007:
[Christian Democratic Party] and [Family First Party] have done a good job I believe but I am not inclined to vote for them because, although they carry the flag on moral issues, their economics generally suck. They are far too socialist.
[Andrew seems to know as much about politics as he knows about science.]
John Angelico, Christian homeschooler, Family Matters, CultureWatch, comment dated 6 Aug. 2007:
[The law] should require MPs to demonstrate their capabilities by showing us a successful family first. Hence, I recommend ... a minimum age qualification (say 40-50 years range) plus a functional family.
[Well, that's one way of getting rid of Julia Gillard.]
Steve Cornell, Senior Pastor, Millersville Bible Church, Millersville, Pennsylvania, 'Dangers of internet pornography and a radical solution', Salt Shakers Journal, Sept. 2007, 17:
[Jesus] required a radical solution to sexual temptation when he said, 'If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away ...' Although most agree that Jesus was not literally advocating the removal of one's eye, he is at least requiring decisive action against the source of temptation.
[Steve, I'm a bit worried about the 'most'. I've sometimes read stories about people turning up at hospitals with damaged eyes and hacked-off hands in response to this biblical injunction, but I had them down as psychopaths. Are you suggesting here that some (sane) fundamentalists take these supposed words of Jesus literally?]
Steve continues:
Jesus did not recommend sexual purity for the protection of one's reputation, career or marriage. He spoke of horrible eternal consequences awaiting the person who places the members of his body at the disposal of sinful desire. Being 'thrown in hell' is a picture of coming under God's judgment. This is the ultimate motivation for sexual purity.
[Many representatives of the Christian Right dance around this point, so it's kind of comforting to see it put so straightforwardly. Practise sexual purity not for your health or for a feeling of triumph over temptation. Keep it zipped or you'll go to hell. Full stop.]
Peter Sellick, Deacon Associate at St Andrew's Anglican Church, Subiaco, WA, 'The same tired old arguments from the unbelievers', Online Opinion, 31 Jul. 2007:
Inheritors of the scientific revolution, if they are to have access to the rich imagery of biblical narrative, must learn to hold these two things in their mind at once, that the [gospel] stories often could not have happened as they are told and that these same stories hold the key to our humanity.
[Back to meaningless obfuscation again. Peter, I think I'd better introduce to you to Steve Cornell. At least he's intelligible.]
Jubilee Resources International, Jubilee News, Aug. 2007, 2:
Try JESUS! If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back.
[Ascribing the virtue of forgiveness to Satan, eh? Careful, something like that could land you in hell.]
John Klose, Kempsey NSW, letter in Festival of Light Australia Light magazine, Aug. 2007, 4:
There is no justification for giving legal recognition to homosexual relationships. Sodomy has always been regarded as a betrayal of the natural creative male-female design ... Homosexual relationships can never produce legitimate children - only marriages can do that.
[Now this is what I call a blast from the past. Apart from anything else, when was the last time you read the term 'legitimate children'?]
Michael Glatze, former gay rights advocate, as quoted in 'Gay rights leader quits homosexuality', ibid., 7:
Homosexuality came easy to me, because I was already weak ... Homosexuality, delivered to young minds, is by its very nature pornographic.
[Michael explains that his new attitudes stem from 'a growing relationship with God', a fairly primitive Old Testament Yahweh by the sound of it.]
Peter Stokes, Salt Shakers, email to supporters, 9 Aug. 2007:
Homosexuality is a morally deviant, addictive, compulsive lifestyle - it is unnatural and harmful to those individuals who surrender to it and it will undermine those communities that normalise it ...
[There have been a rash of these ferocious mini-diatribes against homosexuality in the Christian Right literature lately. Did someone put something in the water?]
Tim Cannon, 'Canberra drags its feet over internet porn', News Weekly, 4 Aug. 2007:
... ISP-level filtering seeks to make the internet safe for all children ... Minor inconveniences incurred by the rest of the population pale into insignificance when compared to this duty we owe to children.
[On that basis we should ban or severely restrict literature, motion pictures, radio and television. Not to mention AFL football.]
David Perrin, National President, Australian Family Association, 'No more abortions, please', News Weekly, 4 Aug. 2007, 8:
Most Australians think there are too many abortions at present, according to recent opinion surveys. Recent proposals to remove abortion from the Victorian Crimes Act are going to encourage more mothers [sic] to have abortions, so these moves are flying in the face of public opinion.
[Leaving aside the gaping logical lacunae in your argument, David, can we expect to see you promoting better contraceptive and sex education in future? No, I didn't think so.]
Peter Stokes, Salt Shakers, email to supporters, 7 Aug. 2007, regarding the recent Intelligent Design tour of Australia by American Professor Tom Woodward:
Darwin himself said: 'If it could be demonstrated that any complex organ existed, which could not possibly have been formed by numerous, successive, slight modifications, my theory would absolutely break down'. New information through powerful microscopes shows us that there are now many such examples.
[Name one.]
Matthew Mulvaney, CultureWatch comment dated 26 Jul. 2007, regarding the Christian attitude to slavery:
Slaves had a unique opportunity to follow Jesus's example of suffering (see 1 Peter 2: 18-21).
[Yes, let us see what the Word of God has to say:
18. Servants [i.e. slaves], be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to the kind and gentle but also to the overbearing.
19. For one is approved if, mindful of God, he endures pain while suffering unjustly.
20. For what credit is it, if when you do wrong and are beaten for it you take it patiently? But if when you do right and suffer for it you take it patiently, you have God's approval.
21. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.
In other words, slaves, smile through your tears and just stay focused on that pie in the sky.]
Bill Muehlenberg, CultureWatch comment dated 25 Jul. 2007:
...[A]lthough homosexuals are relatively few in number, they more than make up for this as they continually push their agenda. They have cleverly and strategically got themselves placed in all the institutions of power and influence. They are well ensconced in the media, in academia, in groups like the [American Psychiatric Association] etc.
[As a thought-experiment, try replacing the word 'homosexuals' with the word 'Jews'. Remind you of anyone?]
Jonathan Sarfati, Creation Ministries International, CultureWatch comment dated 26 Jul. 2007, regarding public funding of the ABC:
It's a matter of principle. People should not have to pay for the dissemination of views to which they are strongly opposed.
[Really? Great, that means I can stop paying taxes that fund religious schools and chaplains because they disseminate views to which I'm strongly opposed. Thanks, Jon, you're a champion.]
Ewan McDonald, Christian Democratic Party, CultureWatch comment dated 29 Jun. 2007:
... [T]o answer your other question - do 'some of you want sex outside marriage to be criminalised'? I would answer yes in some cases. We had such laws in the past and I think our society would be a healthier one if we still had them.
[Attaboy, Ewan. Adulterous wives wearing a scarlet letter 'A' around their necks; stocks, whipping-posts and the pillory set up outside all town halls. Yes, that'll teach those fornicators to be good Christians in a healthy society.]
Elaine Nile, Christian Democratic Party, Family World News, Aug. 2007, 5:
God does not play around with sentencing like the magistrates in the NSW courts of today.
[Shucks, and I was really hoping for a good behaviour bond.]
Fred Nile, Christian Democratic Party, 'Brothels Legislation Amendment Bill 2007', Family World News 'Focus on Parliament', Aug. 2007, 1:
I do not normally study brothel advertisements in newspapers ...
[Pass.]
Peter Stokes, Salt Shakers, 'Pornography - where does it all begin?', Salt Shakers Journal, Aug. 2007, 12:
If young people watch MTV they will inevitably be confronted with scantily clad, sexually postulating girls and boys with wandering hands.
[I think he means 'posturing' rather than 'postulating', although the idea of under-dressed young people expounding theories of sex while simultaneously scoring does hold some attraction.]
Peter again, ibid., 13:
When desire is mixed with testosterone it becomes lust and ends with people being abused so someone can fulfil their desires.
[He's a marvel, isn't he? Fancy even thinking that, let alone writing it down.]
And one more from Peter, ibid., 14:
Unless [MTV] is stopped it will continue to be a gateway that introduces ever younger people to pornography, sexual promiscuity, violence, and ultimately to despair.
[Here's the scary part: he believes it!]
Peter Sparrow, Creation Ministries International, Prayer News, Jul.-Sept. 2007, 15:
One of the things I mentioned [during a talk] is the number of young Christians who go to university and lose their faith.
[Creationists can never quite understand why this happens. Says a lot about creationists, doesn't it?]
Charles Colson, convicted Watergate conspirator and New Life columnist, New Life, 5 Jul. 2007:
Civil disobedience may also be justified when the state ignores its divinely mandated responsibilities to preserve life and maintain order and justice. The resistance of the German church to Hitler was a clear modern example of this necessity ... It was later modelled by those who took part in Operation Rescue sit-ins at abortion clinics.
[Hmm, equating opposition to Hitler with opposition to abortion rights. Not a bad definition of obscenity. Thanks, Charles.]
Clifford Wilson, 'Current Comment', New Life, 2 Aug. 2007, 4:
... [R]ecent research has shown that quite a number of patients who have had heart transplants have surprised medical and scientific personnel at the way they have taken over something of the personality of the donor and virtually have become a different person ...
[No documentation of this claim, of course, but what do you expect from a creationist?]
Nancy Campbell, 'From Our Home to Yours', Above Rubies, Mar. 2007 (distributed Jul. 2007), 2, quoting from a letter she has received:
Thanks to your ministry I am a more patient and loving mother. I finally understand what it means to be submissive to my husband and have repented of my sins in this area. I am joyfully embracing my role as mother, teacher, wife, cook and housekeeper. We have repented of our sin of birth control and my husband had a vasectomy reversal in July 2005 ...
[Ma'am, the only sin of which you need to repent is slavishly following the advice in Above Rubies.]
Nancy Campbell, 'Standing Power', ibid., 8:
The morals of this world are going downhill,
Against God's Holy Word and His divine will,
No longer black and white, it's now mushy grey,
God's eternal absolutes many shun today.
[Please, Nancy, spare us your abysmal poetry. It just has to be satanically inspired.]
Sarah Brown, Fortville, Indiana, USA, 'Children are the enemy', ibid., 21, regarding recent social developments:
Feminists proclaimed that it's the children who ultimately keep women from experiencing true independence ... Women turned to violent acts of war to eliminate or remove children as necessary. Unborn children were the easiest enemies to eliminate and every legal abortion became a victory in the march for women's rights ... Every empty home and empty womb became a tribute to feminism.
[Could anyone actually believe this? It looks like something out of Kafka.]
David Clay, comment on The Bible, slavery and morality, 28 Jul. 2007:
Thus it is not inconsistent for a Christian to have a slave, whether it be biblical times, colonial times, or even today in the name of employment; providing that the Christian obeys the scriptural teaching on how they are to treat their slaves, or employees for today's sake.
[Funny how quick fundamentalists always are to defend slavery. Modern Christian Reconstructionists would like to see the practice reintroduced today, although somehow I see them coveting the role of slavedriver rather than slave.]
Judith Bond, Glen Alpine NSW, letter in Sunday Age, 29 Jul. 2007:
Harry Potter, both the book and movie, lure people away from good and right.
[Judith, most other religious right people gave up on Harry after about book three. Some of your colleagues even defended both the books and the movies. Who do you think you're going to convince at this late stage?]
Mrs Fran Fragar, letter in New Life, 19 Jul. 2007:
Unbelievers need to hear that there is hope in their despair and helplessness.
[Speak for yourself, Frannie. We're doing all right here, thanks for asking.]
Ron F. Suter, 'Beijing's "Temple of Heaven"' (book review), New Life, 19 Jul. 2007:
The earliest Chinese written characters ... are made up of elements ('radicals') whose meanings clearly reveal an early knowledge of Genesis history. That includes Creation, the Fall and the Deluge ... [It] is clear that the godly writings of the earliest Chinese sages ... affirm that the Lord Jesus is the one who can fulfil the hopes and dreams that have been expressed publicly throughout much of Chinese history.
[I once saw Ron arguing in favour of creationism at a Christian meeting. Not a pretty sight. He's extremely defensive, gives the impression of being rather unconvinced about what he's saying, and the audience cut him to ribbons.]
Nick Foord, comment in Longer life, better life, eternal life, CultureWatch, 15 May 2007:
Our time on earth is very short compared to time in eternity where there is no 'time' ... I would much rather live life to the full now, and forever in eternity ...
[Sorry, Nick. I can almost cope with 'time in eternity where there is no "time"'. But if there's no 'time' in eternity, there's certainly no 'forever'.]
David Skinner, comment in Playing fast and loose with the evidence, CultureWatch, 15 June 2007:
May I suggest that you who live in Victoria identify those who have unelected power and influence in government and who have an agenda that is anarchist, Marxist, feminist, secularist, atheist and who have a deep hatred of the family?
[David, you left out, '... and who barrack for Collingwood'.]
Bill Muehlenberg ' A Review of Letter from a Christian Citizen by Douglas Wilson', CultureWatch, 31 May 2007:
... [I]n atheism, there is no rhyme or reason for anything. Crap just happens and that is just the way it goes.
[Another compelling argument against atheism from Mr Sophistication.]
Frank DeRemer, 'Good approach misapplied to get "analogical days"', a review of C. John Collins (2006) Genesis 1-4 ..., Journal of Creation (Creation Ministries International), Vol. 21(2), June 2007, 38:
Consider the authors of the Bible excluding Genesis. A little reflection indicates that they were almost all eyewitnesses of the events reported, or careful interviewers of eyewitnesses, or careful historians compiling such accounts. Why would Genesis be any different?
[The truth is almost the exact opposite of what Frank is claiming here. We have few, if any, reliable eyewitnesses of particular biblical events, and we have no idea whether the 'careful interviewers' and 'historians' were either 'careful' or 'historians' as we currently understand that term. It's much safer to regard the Bible as a series of partisan political speeches than as an accurate account of events.]
Chase Nelson, 'Evolution's theological underpinnings', a review of Cornelius G. Hunter (2003) Darwin's Proof: The Triumph of Religion over Science, ibid., 40:
Here lies Hunter's fundamental argument against evolution: living things simply don't look like they evolved.
[Er, ...very profound.]
Jonathan Sarfati, 'Anti-slavery activist William Wilberforce: Christian hero', ibid., 126:
...[W]hy is there no command in the Bible to free the slaves immediately? Because the commands in the Bible ... [e.g. Ephesians 6:9] would subtly undermine the institution [of slavery] far better than a slave rebellion.
[Jonathan, that is the weakest argument I've ever seen from you, and I've seen some lulus. Isn't your god supposed to be omnipotent? He could have done away with slavery in the blink of an eye.]
[The next five quotes all come from Australian Family Association (AFA) Family Update, Vol.22, No.3, July 2007]
Angela Conway, AFA National Spokesperson, 'World Congress of Families: Angela Conway reports', 2-3:
... [O]rdinary businesses are losing large amounts of productivity time as their workers get sucked into pornography ... Decent kids from decent families are being sucked into pornography ...
[Charming turn of phrase there, Angela.]
'Other contributors at the Congress', 3:
Jacek Pulikowski, Polish academic and family counsellor, stressed the role of the father. He defined successful marriage as one where the man makes the major decisions and the woman the minor ones.
[I wonder how his wife defines it.]
ibid., 3:
Phillip Longman, US, stressed the depopulation of Europe as well as the fact that religious people have 15-20% more children. Eventually, he argued, the anti-family ideologues will die out and pro-family religious people will inherit the earth.
[Ah, religious complacency, combined with a stunning non sequitur. Great news for secular humanism.]
Angela Conway, 'More Advertising Standards Board fiascos', 4:
[The Advertising Standards Board] did not regard the juxtaposition of clothed men with underwear-clad women as warranting any finding of nudity or other grounds on which to uphold complaints.
[Angela, your dictionary must contain a very strange definition of 'nudity'.]
Mary-Louise Fowler, AFA National Vice-President, (also sister of shoot-from-the-hip Liberal Senator Bill Heffernan), quoted in 'ISP filtering to protect children', 11:
... Combined with the revelation that around 80% of downloads from the internet are pornographic, you don't have to be Einstein to see that we are in for a huge escalation of sexual abuse - in fact it is happening now. Opt-in filtering options will not protect our children because too many people are addicted to pornography. [Filtering] has to be mandatory.
[To my knowledge, this is the first time that the AFA has clearly stated that adults will not be allowed to opt into adult internet content if AFA's proposal for mandatory ISP filtering goes ahead. R.I.P. freedom of information.]
Matthew Mulvaney, comment on CultureWatch Feminists speak only for themselves:
Feminism is opposed to Christianity. The Christian belief that wives should submit to their husbands is contrary to a feminist's beliefs. God has a plan for how people should lead their lives and feminists do not respect it.
[Thanks for your candour, Matthew. Now get your own dinner.]
Pastor Sean Nolan, Director, Young Christian Democratic Party (CDP), 'Young Christian Democrats - "Youth With a Vision"', Family World News, Jul. 2007, 12:
... [We] are looking to put in place a structure of Young CDP Youth Committees in each electorate across NSW ... The purpose of these committees is to tackle the local issues that are affecting the youth in the local area. This could take the form of a pray for rain day ...
[Looks great, Sean. And we're sure you have lots of ideas just as good!]
Elaine Nile, wife of Fred, 'Elaine's Perspective', Family World News, Jul. 2007, 5:
For many, we can look back to our youth and remember happy days of family life - parents, happy home ... We didn't have the problems of youth suicide, drunkenness, pregnancies, drugs etc. They were OUR days - good days.
[Has she started wandering away from home yet, Fred?]
'Prayer Focus', Family World News, Jul. 2007, 8:
[Pray] for revival in Australia, especially NSW.
[At long last, some common sense from Family World News.]
David Phillips, Festival of Light Australia, letter to supporters, 4 Jul. 2007:
Many members of parliament depend on us for the vital research and arguments they need to resist the advances of the homosexual lobby.
[Only too true. Except 'research' isn't exactly the right word for it - although the correct word does have the same number of letters.]
Ewan McDonald, comment on CultureWatch Secular Religion, 23 May 2007:
Cosmological evolution can be witnessed today as new stars form, but this does not prove a naturalistic origin. Rather, since the process of stellar evolution remains a mystery, a supernatural origin makes much more sense.
[Best example of a 'god of the gaps' argument I've seen for some time. Ewan, mate, you just don't get it, do you?]
[The next half-dozen quotes are from the same source, 'Who Is Doing the Hatred?' on Bill Muehlenberg's CultureWatch site, 6 Jun. 2007. Increasing numbers of angry and outspoken fundamentalist Christians are being attracted to this site by Muehlenberg's extreme views.]
David Skinner, 7 Jun. 2007:
I could also go on and talk about the ideology, evolutionary humanism, that is using homosexuality as a Trojan horse to impose its own tyrannical world view on all of society, and the way this will have devastating consequences on education and the freedom to reason and debate without the thought police dragging you off for diversity re-education.
[David, when you're talking to people at parties, do you ever notice them sidling towards the door?]
Bill Muehlenberg, 8 Jun. 2007:
The truth is, we are all 'assholes' as you put it, facing a lost eternity.
[Oh Mr Muehlenberg, don't tell us that even you are being gradually secularised.]
Muehlenberg again, 8 Jun. 2007:
...[W]hat is not factual about the Old Testament?
[It really is far easier to answer the question: 'What is definitely factual about the Old Testament?']
Kim L. Ruhl, 8 Jun. 2007, regarding homosexuality:
I now ask you, how can two men seeking to gratify the supposititious love of their wicked, self-centred desires (by openly defying God and his holy commands) wreak anything but havoc and harm?
[I had to look up 'supposititious', only to discover that it means 'spurious' or 'substituted for the real'. And here was I thinking there was a word for my superstition about suppositories.]
Ewan McDonald, 16 Jun. 2007:
Harmony in the sense of agreement between Christians and those who identify as homosexuals (I say 'those who identify as homosexuals' because there is no such person as a homosexual - there [are] only men and women who practise homosexuality) is not possible wherever the Bible is regarded as true.
[Ewan likes to solve his problems by defining them away. Does a good job of it, doesn't he?]
A. A. Hoysted, 20 Jun. 2007:
The whole scenario has been choreographed with diabolical cunning by secular humanists and atheists in positions of political, educational and media influence who want to destroy the Judeo-Christian basis on which Australian society is built.
[A.A., I'd like to introduce you to David Skinner and Bill Muehlenberg. Something tells me you boys are going to get along just fine.]
Rev Dr Peter Barnes, 'Cloning human embryos', Family World News, Jun. 2007, 1:
In modern Western thinking, there is no real sense of God, so man is in the image of the earthworm, and therefore he seeks to exalt himself, but actually degrades himself.
[I hope they didn't give him his doctorate for this.]
David Skinner, comment on CultureWatch Sense on the Census, 30 Jun. 2007:
I believe we are witnessing the homosexualisation of Western civilisation now - which will make it even harder for the homosexual to break from his or her bondage.
[David, while I'm still coming to grips with your concept of 'homosexualisation', can I pick you up on something else? A lot of homosexuals aren't even into bondage!]
Lael Weinberger, review of Richard Dawkins A Devil's Chaplain in Journal of Creation (Creation Ministries International), Vol. 21 (2), Jun. 2007, 22:
[Dawkins] ignores the flood of scholarship coming from the creationist and Intelligent Design (ID) camps.
[Lael, that particular 'flood' has all the credibility of Noah's Flood. There's no scholarship at all emanating from either of those 'camps'.]
Philip Bell, review of Richard Dawkins The God Delusion, ibid., 30:
[Dawkins makes] some especially fatuous statements, such as ... 'The historical evidence that Jesus claimed any sort of divine status is minimal ... It is even possible to mount a serious, though not widely supported, historical case that Jesus never lived at all ...' Each of these assertions is made without a shred of supporting evidence and amount to so much bluff and bluster.
[Philip, as you're well aware, it's your responsibility to provide evidence for claims such as 'Jesus existed' or 'Jesus claimed to be God'. The evidentiary status of the Bible is doubtful, to say the least. Neither Dawkins nor anyone else is in the business of proving negatives, although he does provide an extensive and relevant bibliography. Try not to be so blatantly disingenuous even though you are a creationist.]
Philip Bell again, ibid., 31:
Of course, [Dawkins'] ideas that God, as the cause of complexity, must be still more complex, and that to explain this requires an even more complex cause (and thus an origin for God) are no more philosophically sophisticated than the age-old child's question of who made God.
[Kids can be pretty crafty, Philip. In this case, crafty enough to ask an essentially unanswerable question.]
Australian Prayer Network, 'New Prayer Initiative to End the Violence in Iraq', International News, 25 Jun. 2007:
A new prayer initiative to mobilise churches throughout the world to pray for an end to the violence in Iraq has been launched ... James 5:16 says that the prayer of the righteous is very powerful. The focused prayer of churches worldwide can make a difference to seeing the violence end.
[And these are the sorts of people who criticise others for watching television, playing computer games and generally 'living in a fantasy world'.]
Australian Prayer Network, 'British Poll Shows People Believe Religion Does More Harm Than Good', International News, 25 Jun. 2007:
[Christians must try to] divorce Christianity in the minds of the masses from [the concept of] a religion based on rules (as is Islam), to a way of life built on relationships, the principal one being with Jesus himself. Until and unless we can do that, the majority of people will increasingly lump Bible-believing Christians into the same 'box' as fundamentalist Islamists ...
[And why wouldn't people do exactly that? Extreme dominionist and Reconstructionist Christians, who are well-represented in Australia, demand the imposition of strict biblical law. This would include measures such as the public execution of homosexuals and adulterers, and the death penalty for 'offenders' such as recalcitrant adolescents. I see that the latest issue of Creation Ministries International's Journal of Creation approvingly quotes Reconstructionist author Greg Bahnsen (pp. 22-3). There are good reasons to class extremist varieties of Bible-believers together with fundamentalists of other religions.]
Senator Barnaby Joyce (NP, Qld.), as quoted in Aaron Smith 'Importance of Christian influence in Australian society', Christian Today, 18 Jun. 2007:
If Christian people do not put their view forward that Australia is a Christian state, then within a short period of time ... another religion might fill the vacuum.
[But Australia is not now, nor has it ever been a 'Christian state', as much as some people might like the idea. Australia is a secular state. So there's no vacuum to fill.]
Answers in Genesis (AiG), 'Renowned "rock doctor" added to AiG's research team' - 19 Jun. 2007:
Dr Andrew Snelling, one of the world's most respected creation scientists specialising in geological studies, has joined [AiG] as the organisation's new director of research ... 'Dr Snelling's stature among the scientific community should be an unequivocal sign to the academic world and the media that serious research is being conducted at AiG and its museum', [AiG President Ken Ham said.]
[But Snelling has no special 'stature' in the scientific community. The only interesting thing about him is that his serious scientific papers display no trace of creationism, while his creationist papers display no trace of science.]
Family Council of Victoria (FCV) (offshoot of National Civic Council's Australian Family Association), media release, June 2007, regarding the Victorian Law Reform Commission's final report on Assisted Reproductive Technology and Adoption:
... [T]here is no such thing as a basic or inalienable human right to have a child. It is a 'conferred right', a privilege extended to men and women bonded in marriage. For good reasons, there are no international [legal] instruments or Australian law that confer this privilege on women or men living in a same-sex relationship. This is not a form of discrimination ..., for no such [basic] right [to have children] exists. Nor does it exist for single men or women.
[FCV, if you're going to talk absolute rubbish, I think you should drown it in more legalese than this.]
Barney Tomasich, Chairman, Salt Shakers Board, email to supporters, 20 Jun. 2007:
This God-ordained ministry [i.e. Salt Shakers] was founded by Peter and Jenny Stokes and has had a huge impact on the political, social and moral landscape of our country ...
[Barney, could you please tell our readers that? It might put a stop to all the emails we get saying, 'Who the hell are Salt Shakers?']
Gerard Goiran, Christian Democratic Party (WA), 'CDP Senate candidate supports Catholic Archbishop', press release, June 2007:
Archbishop Hickey has been reported as saying that Catholic MPs who would vote in favour of the [Human Embryo Bill, permitting therapeutic cloning] should not take part in holy communion ...
I [Goiran] think this is not a matter of undue interference by the church in the affairs of state ... Christian leadership is not just about delivering sound biblical sermons, it is about keeping unity in the faith. Sometimes, to achieve this, exercising discipline is necessary. None of us would object to an army general disciplining his troops to achieve a particular outcome. In the same way, therefore, the Christian Church needs to exercise strong discipline in a loving and caring way to bring back its erring members to the truth of the Word of God.
[As a Protestant, Gerard, you'd recall another time that the Catholic Church 'exercised strong discipline ... to bring back its erring members to the truth of the Word of God'. It was called the Inquisition.]
More Gerard Goiran, this time opposing new WA anti-vilification laws - 'Vilification Laws in Western Australia', press release, June 2007:
... [S]uch laws would be detrimental to the work of mission of the Christian church. For instance, sermons denouncing homosexuality as a sin could be viewed as 'vilifying' practising homosexuals.
[Really, Gerard? Now why would anyone think that?]
Mrs Amanda J. Tan, Doonside NSW, letter in Good Report, May/July 2007, 17:
Unless [Genesis] creation is taught in Australian schools, Australia will become more and more atheistic, truth will be only relative, and this will lead to the further decline in ethical values in Australia, and the further chaos and breakdown of our functioning society ... The teaching of creation will help restore ethical values and decency and blessing in Australia.
[Amanda, why would the abandonment of science lead to anything other than a new Dark Age?]
Julie Jordan 'The ABCs for a Lasting Marriage', ibid., 20:
You might say that you don't hear [God] speaking to you, but may I ask you: Have you done what He told you to do the last time you spent time with Him? Did He convict you about some sin that you are unwilling to give up? It could be gossiping, greed, malice, evil desires, envy, laziness, pride, arrogance, unwillingness to forgive, idolatry, hatred, to name a few.
['A few'! Kind of makes you wonder why a 'good' god would permit the existence of such a degraded creation. Must be one of those 'mysteries' that Christian theologians are so fond of running up against.]
Julie again, regarding what to do in a 'marriage emergency':
Appreciate what you have. Instead of focusing on what is not right, consider what you do have and be thankful for that. Your spouse must have some good qualities since you married that person in the first place. Dwell on the good qualities ...
[Yes, so maybe while he's whacking you in the chops you could be meditating on the lovely Easter egg he bought you last April. 'Christian marriage' advice of this kind generally boils down to one thing: you're a doormat now, lady, so be happy about it.]
Garry Le Duff, Association of Independent Schools of SA executive director, quoted in Laura Anderson 'Cancer drug leads to sex, say schools', Advertiser, 23 May 2007, regarding the cervical cancer vaccine Gardasil:
... Garry Le Duff said [that] two [South Australian] Christian schools were not offering the vaccination programs on-site because of their beliefs ... [He] said there were a small number of schools which 'have concerns because they believe it enhances promiscuity'.
['Enhances promiscuity', eh? Nice turn of phrase there, Garry. You'll bear watching, I can see.]
Creation Ministries International, 'Dr Jonathan Sarfati is visiting Melbourne', email to supporters, 23 May 2007:
Without doubt, Jonathan ... is one of the foremost defenders of the [Christian] faith in the world today.
[Well, God help the faith then. In terms of Christian apologetics, it would be kindest to describe Jonathan as 'a struggler'.]
Graeme Furlong, Daisy Hill Qld., letter in New Life, 26 Apr. 2007:
An open letter to Richard Dawkins. You are a man with brilliant intellectual achievements and a very daring and brave man as well. To write a book refuting the existence of an Intelligent Designer indicates you must have an incredible belief in the alternative. While my knowledge of history is limited, my personal experience and my acquaintance with a vast number of people from many countries, language groups and heritage, clearly indicate you have been deceived. God is.
[Richard Dawkins, take note. Graeme has spoken.]
Bill Muehlenberg, Nothing New About "The Secret" (comments), 23 May 2007:
While many religions may be largely untestable, the Christian religion is the most testable ... [T]he reliability of the Gospels and the historicity of Jesus are all issues that can be closely examined and tested.
[Yes, tested ... and found wanting. No point in mindlessly repeating old mantras, Bill. Why not do some reading instead? And I don't mean reading the American neo-conservative hacks who seem to comprise your main bill of fare.]
Jonathan Sarfati, Creation Ministries International, CultureWatch discussion, 30 Mar. 2007, regarding God instructing Israel to massacre the Canaanites:
As for the Canaanites, not only were they given centuries of fair warning, they practised: child sacrifice ..., incest, bestiality, homo-sex, [and] cultic prostitution, both male and female. We know this from the biblical eye-witness data which is supported by ample extra-biblical evidence ...
[Jonathan, even granting your absurd premisses, you're defending mass murder here. Are you so sunk in your blind fundamentalism that you can't see this any more?]
Bill Muehlenberg, CultureWatch, 19 Mar. 2007:
Fortunately for this nation most of our intellectualoids [sic] only pen silly columns, and don't govern our people or make our laws. If they did we would all be up the creek. Our libertarian gurus would likely have us all enjoying snuff films beamed into our homes 24/7; there would be heroin sold in Kmarts, child porn delivered with the junk mail, and terrorist manuals available in our school libraries.
[That's what the man said, folks!]
Jenny Stokes, Salt Shakers, email to supporters, 16 Mar. 2007:
The Community Services Committee of the Melbourne City Council voted on Tuesday night 13 March to endorse the proposed Relationships Declaration Program to register same-sex and heterosexual relationships ... ACTION: PLEASE write POLITELY to each of the Councillors [opposing this move] ...
[Leaders of Religious Right groups regularly implore their supporters to be 'polite'. Why is it necessary to remind 'true Christians' of this?]
Chris Meney, director of the Sydney (Catholic) Archdiocesan Marriage and Family Office, quoted in Australian Christian Lobby, 28 Mar. 2007 regarding vaccination of girls against Human Papillomavirus (HPV):
NSW Health ... plan to introduce a change to the process for withdrawal of parental/legal guardian consent for both the NSW Adolescent-based Vaccination Program and the National HPV Vaccination program. This is of real concern. I find it extraordinary that bureaucracies would be making decisions that are properly the domain of parents.
[Funny how nervous George Pell and his mates become when the proposed medical treatments for young people have anything to do with sexuality. But do you see Catholic leaders sticking up for Jehovah's Witness parents when they refuse blood transfusions for their children? That's different, no sex involved.]
Ex-Senator Santo Santoro, former federal Minister for Ageing, quoted in Annabel Stafford, 'Santoro keeps the faith in final Senate speech', Melbourne Age, 29 Mar. 2007:
The former minister for ageing used his final speech to promote the conservative values that have led him to oppose abortion pill RU486 and therapeutic cloning. His voice sometimes wavering with emotion, he argued against abortion and gay marriage, saying Australia's success was built on the values of the Judaeo-Christian faith. Having been forced out as minister, he quit the Senate over his failure to declare 72 share transactions.
[Start polishing up the 'Don't do as I do, do as I say' trophy.]
Australian Christian Lobby, ACL Monthly, Apr. 2007, 2:
While it is important to combat bullying in schools, ACL is committed to make sure that this is not used as an excuse to actively promote homosexual lifestyles to impressionable young people.
[Teacher: 'So, Johnny, don't keep trying to bash that gay student's head in. Just keep telling him Jesus would love him even more if he was straight.']
Senator Bill Heffernan, quoted in Katharine Murphy, 'Bill of the dead', Melbourne Age, 29 Mar. 2007:
When I was a kid at boarding school, I told on a teacher for saying 'bloody'.
[Well, you certainly were a precious little nark, weren't you, Bill?]
Anonymous letter to editor (headlined 'Encouraging Letters'), Creation News, (John Mackay's Creation Research), Mar. 2007, 2:
Just watched your ... new DVD speaking to the UK parliamentarians. And (in my humble opinion) this is the best DVD you've done in regard to clearly explaining the philosophy behind these issues. The only down side was we couldn't see the face of the politician who was 'aghast' that someone might mention that the Bible teaches that homosexuals should be stoned to death.
[Straight out of the Christian Reconstructionist handbook. Thanks for sharing.]
John Mackay, ibid., 1:
The Christian Gospel does have political implication and application, but these are exclusively based on Creator and creation. Political systems including democracies which are rejecting Christianity are almost totally evolutionary-based ... Where the Christian gospel succeeds, evolution and millions of years will be exposed for the fables they are, with one major consequence - all political applications derived from evolution will be challenged and replaced.
[And I guess that includes democracy. Thanks, John, we can't say we weren't warned.]
More Mackay, ibid., 3:
The [crypto-creationist Intelligent Design - ID] movement has made leaps and bounds in some ex-communist countries, but the fact that it is not a Christian movement shows in its embracement by groups such as the Krishnas ... Intelligent Design - without any reference to the person of the God who did the creating - fits well [with] the whole religion of Krishna. ID gives you fuzzy gods whom you get to define, thus making yourself a god also ... Again we warn people that Intelligent Design is actually an enemy of Christianity until it gets around to humbling itself before the Creator, who is the Christ, the Lord Jehovah, Elohim, Jesus, Saviour, Redeemer and God.
[Don't ever think that dyed-in-the-wool Young Earth Creationists (YECs) like John Mackay have a soft spot for ID. They utterly despise it. It's only the pussy-footing, one-foot-in-both-camps types like Bill Muehlenberg who give it any air-time in the YEC wonderland.]
Australian Prayer Network, 'Strong Discipline Strengthens Character and Produces Successful Individuals', International News, 26 Mar. 2007:
'The debate over whether Chief Executive Officers are born or made remains unresolved, but there is one thing they overwhelmingly have in common. As children, they were paddled, belted, switched or swatted' [USA Today] ... The 20 CEOs who were interviewed were quick to say however that they were never abused.
[Conservative Christian newsletters and blogs often carry little items like this. Kind of makes you wonder, doesn't it?]
Mrs Lorraine Hogan, Nalkaba NSW, letter in Family World News, Mar. 2007, 3:
Dear Rev. Nile,
... Australians need to wake up before it is too late and I urge anyone to look online at [a particular website] as it explains it all and what the MUSLIMS are up to. Once I was a proud Australian but not any more thanks to our Government as they let them into our country. They are here and are slowly taking over in every city and I live in country NSW and they are most likely here also.
[That's right, Lorraine. First it was the little green men, then the Communists and now the Muslims, all weevilling away at our precious Christian heritage. Bob Menzies would have fixed 'em right up.]
Fred Nile, Christian Democratic Party, ibid., 7:
The following three population charts reveal an alarming future for Australia, that Australia will become a Muslim nation like Saudi Arabia within four generations.
[Well, so long as we get the oil.]
Fred Nile, 'Fred Nile - Record Breaker', ibid., (CDP NSW Election Liftout, Feb. 2007, 3):
[Fred] broke the record at the Theological College when he was forced to spend an extra sixth year in study because the Principal said, 'Fred Nile still believed the Bible was true.'
[I believe you, Fred, though thousands might have a bit of a problem.]
Warwick Marsh, Fatherhood Foundation email newsletter, 19 Mar. 2007:
Dr Koenig from his six-year study said that: 'People who attended a religious service at least once a week were 46% less likely to die.'
[Now that's what I call a statistic! But how will the poor blighters ever get to heaven?]
More breaking news from the Fatherhood Foundation, ibid.:
[Fathers' rights group] Dads in Distress support mandatory DNA at birth.
[I didn't realise it was optional.]
Bill Muehlenberg, 'Why We Are Losing to the Terrorists', CultureWatch, 17 Mar. 2007, regarding the 'Khalid confessions':
I am not an authority on this particular issue.
[Bill, as you well know, you're not an authority on any issue at all. Stop giving yourself airs.]
David Demick, 'Who's inheriting the wind now?', Creation magazine (Creation Ministries International), Mar.-May 2007, 36):
Nietzsche suffered from insanity at the end of his life - a condition some commentators link to his godless philosophies.
[Hmm, not a bad slogan: 'Be an atheist: go nuts!']
Jack Sonnemann, Australian Federation for the Family, letter in New Life, 15 Mar. 2007:
The [Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development] in March 2006 reported that Australia leads the world in sexual assault, including rape.
[Yup. And the moon's made of green cheese.]
Fred Nile, Christian Democratic Party, Family World News, Mar. 2007, 2:
There are still doubts over the health safety of recycled sewage, especially as Sydney has the highest level of HIV/AIDS because of the large homosexual community. HIV/AIDS virus is difficult to remove from blood, how much more difficult from recycled sewage?
[Good on you, Fred. Another Nobel Prize looming?]
Senator Steve Fielding, Family First Party, ' No One in Government is Responsible for TV Ads' (media release), 14 Feb. 2007:
Raunchy evening TV ads promote phone sex, dating services and lewd mobile screensavers and FAMILY FIRST wants to know how such smut and filth is allowed ... Is anyone in the Howard Government responsible for what our kids see on TV, for ensuring that sex, smut and sleaze is not used to pollute our kids' minds?
[What's the difference between 'filth', 'smut' and 'sleaze'? Maybe I should ask an expert like Steve.]
Jim Wallace, Australian Christian Lobby (ACL), National Newsletter, Mar. 2007:
The 'helicopter view' that ACL and others maintain of politics and government allows us to identify opportunities and threats to which we need a Christian response.
['Helicopter view', eh? Well, their minds are certainly in a spin, and their views are always over the top. And some of them seem to hover on the edge of sanity. Perhaps I should stop.]
Brian Houston, Hillsong (Pentecostal megachurch) supremo, as quoted in Tanya Levin, 'Book of Revelations', Bulletin, 13 Mar. 2007, 31:
It's true! MONEY is inevitably the bottom line of everything.
[And they call us materialists!]
And from the same article, 33:
Christianese ... [A] language that is harder to learn than most people realise:
'Frozen Chosen' - Congregants who won't follow instructions quickly enough ...
'Manifest' - To behave as if demons are controlling you - 'I showed my parents my bad report card and they started manifesting'.
[My parents often manifested. But then they really were demons.]
And one more, 34:
Hillsong publishes its accounts and says that its books are open. But people who have asked to see the books describe being looked at up and down, and being told they had an attitude problem.
[Quelle surprise!]
Peter Stokes, Salt Shakers, Briefing Notes and Prayer Overheads, Mar. 2007:
Constant steady rain is needed to replenish the earth and the dams. It is forecast for March - let us pray it down!
[Thousands of worthy souls have been 'praying it down' for six weeks, culminating in last weekend's National Solemn Assembly in Canberra. Apart from Cyclone George, looks like El Nino 1, God 0.]
Jonathan Sarfati, Creation Ministries International, Disembowelling the Christian faith, CultureWatch discussion, 1 Mar. 2007:
[Melbourne 'Age' columnist, Catherine] Deveny is yet another silly bint hired by a leftist rag for no other reason than [that] she is an embittered apostate (being an unmarried mother undoubtedly helps too).
[Front-runner for Fundamentalist Quote of the Year. And don't forget that this quote was approved for inclusion on the CultureWatch site by Bill Muehlenberg himself. Sarfati and Muehlenberg should both be reminded of this gem loudly and often.]
Pastor Becky Fischer, Kids in Ministry (US), as quoted in Mick Brown 'Kindergarten of Christ', Melbourne Age Good Weekend, 10 Feb. 2007:
You want to screw up a kid's life, Fischer [says], send them to university. 'They'll turn his head so inside out and upside down he won't even know which end he's supposed to wipe.'
[How genteel!]
Warwick Marsh, Fatherhood Foundation, email to supporters, 26 Feb. 2007:
Most lesbian women have been betrayed or neglected by the patriarch of their life.
[One question, Warwick. Did you pull this information out of the hat before or after the rabbit?]
Kathleen Melonakos, Delaware Family Foundation, as quoted in Babette Francis, Endeavour Forum, 'Dangers of a "same-sex" register', News Weekly, 3 Mar. 2007:
... [W]e know that homosexuality can be prevented, in many cases, or substantially healed in adulthood when there is sufficient motivation and help.
[Just like a lot of other loathsome diseases, eh, Kathleen?]
Robert Bom, Rockhampton Qld., letter in News Weekly, 3 Mar. 2007:
Governments could consider introducing similar types of warning notices and advertising for abortion as ... applies to smoking. Consideration could be given for mandatory warning notices about the dangers of abortion to be placed in clinics and on application forms for terminations of pregnancies.
[Why stop there, Robert? Maybe women who need abortions because they've committed adultery could be made to wear a big, scarlet letter 'A' round their necks, just like in the good old days.]
Cliff Wilson, co-editor New Life, 1 Mar. 2007:
People have difficulty in believing the story of Jonah being swallowed by a great fish but would have no trouble in believing [a recent news story] where a diver fought off a huge white pointer to escape the jaws of death.
[Speaking for myself, Cliff, I have no trouble accepting the latter story, but have enormous difficulty with the former, especially Jonah's 'three days and nights in the belly of the fish'. This clearly doesn't worry you at all. And that's what worries me.]
Nancy Campbell, 'From our Home to Yours' (editorial), Above Rubies, Nov. 2006 (distributed Feb. 2007), 4:
Most Christians limit their families to one or two children, which is a belief-system rooted in humanism and feminism. It doesn't come from the Bible.
['Belief-systems' seem to be breeding like rabbits in evangelical literature. Family planning is apparently a discrete 'belief-system' now. What about having sex, Nancy, is that a 'belief-system' too?]
Louise Shaw, 'Dress to Please' (part of a longer piece titled 'Husbands Need Encouragement'), ibid., 6:
Recently I have begun to honour my husband by dressing more femininely and lovely to look upon. I wear far more skirts than before.
[Three at once, do you mean?]
Brian Pickering, Australian Prayer Network, 'National Solemn Assembly Update #5' (email to supporters), 13 Feb. 2007:
I remind us all ... that at the end of the 2005 season of prayer, during which many areas in the nation received drought-breaking rains, that the rains stopped when the prayers stopped and we fell into even more serious drought than existed before the season of prayer began.
[Aha, so it's you and your inconstant pray-ers who are to blame, Brian! Just so we know. And, look, it's all very well to pray for rain next month when the weather people say we're going to have some, but how about doing it at the start of a forecast El Nino season and see how you go?]
Warwick Marsh, Fatherhood Foundation, email to supporters, received 14 Jan. 2007:
John Eldredge identifies six stages of manhood: Boyhood, Cowboy, Warrior, Lover, King and Sage ...
[Just my luck. I peaked at Cowboy.]
Dawn Eden, 'former groupie and free-love addict', as quoted in Bill Muehlenberg The High Cost of Free Love, 15 Jan. 2007:
Whatever [Germaine] Greer and her ilk might say, I've tried their philosophy - that a woman can shag like a man - and it doesn't work. We're not built like that. Women are built for bonding. We are vessels and we seek to be filled ...
[I distinctly recall Greer referring to this, most disapprovingly, as 'the spittoon theory of womanhood'. And, Bill, what are you doing quoting words like 'shag'?' Are you trying to corrupt us?]
Bill Muehlenberg, ibid., Discussion, 30 Jan. 2007, regarding the recent outbreak of 'upskirting' in Melbourne:
[Ben Green], [y]ou argue that it is common sense to say upskirting is wrong. But the fellow doing it obviously did not think it was wrong. How, under your system of moral relativism, can you say you are right and he is wrong on this issue?
[Bill, do you seriously believe that people committing these crimes 'obviously don't think they're wrong'? Surely they know very well that their actions are wrong, but hope that they can get away with them? As for your qualms about 'moral relativism', why don't you rob banks? Not because of the biblical commandment against theft, but because you know quite independently of this that robbing banks is extremely anti-social and therefore wrong.]
Mary Lou Corboy, Glenrowan Vic., letter in News Weekly, 3 Feb. 2007:
Mr [Damian] Wyld heaps great praise on the film 'The Nativity Story' ... At last, his review eventually touches on a 'few minor errors', including that mother and child cry in pain at birth. According to Catholic Church doctrine, the Blessed Virgin Mary was immaculately conceived without the stain of original sin. As such, she was not subject to the penalties of sin and therefore would not have experienced pain in childbirth which was one of the punishments of [Adam's Fall from Grace]. To accept otherwise is to deny one of the most profound doctrines of the Catholic faith.
[Mary Lou, you sound like a bundle of fun. How about a date?]
Jack Sonnemann, Australian Federation for the Family, letter to subscribers, 17 Jan. 2007:
Visit [the Federation] website at www.Ausfamily.org ...
[Jack, I've often wondered, how does one guy become a 'federation'?]
Warwick Marsh, Fatherhood Foundation, email to supporters, received 18 Feb. 2007:
Good news! Some parts of the East Coast have had their best rain in many years. Who says that prayer does not work?
[Which is more likely? That some rain should fall during an El Nino event? Or that a deity should alter the laws of physics in response to supplication? It's a tough one, all right.]
Hakuo Yanagisawa, Japanese Health Minister, quoted in 'Fury at Japan MP's baby gaffe', Melbourne Age, 30 Jan. 2007:
Japan's Health Minister has angered female voters by describing women as 'birth-giving machines' ...
[I once heard a Right to Life Australia speaker describe women and girls as 'baby-carrying machines'. Different times, different cultures, same degree of offensive imbecility.]
Jim Crotty, Sunbury Vic., letter in Age, 30 Jan. 2007:
[Voluntary] euthanasia, being a form of suicide, is a coward's way out and therefore is not 'dying with dignity' ... [I]f more people held some moral or religious values they would understand how euthanasia attacks the very sanctity of life.
[Jim, you should take comfort from the fact that modern palliative care successfully relieves agonising pain - most of the time. Have you ever watched a loved one die in untreatable pain? If not, spare us your harsh and - yes - cowardly judgments.]
Garth Penglase, CultureWatch contributor, Is Marriage Finished? discussion, 27 Jan. 2007:
This is sort of like the Roe vs Wade decision - '[L]et's stop the alarming (but unsubstantiated) threat of widespread backyard abortions by allowing abortions over the counter ...'
[Boggle!]
Peter Stokes, Salt Shakers, Briefing Notes and Prayer Overheads, Feb. 2007:
One ... missing factor in the widespread debate about so-called 'global warming' or 'climate change' is that God is left out of the picture. Our God, who can control the wind and rain, make the sun stand still, and hush the storm.
[Peter clearly accepts the literal truth of the 'Joshua's long day' biblical tale, whereby God made the sun stand still for a day so that Josh could have a longer go at his enemies. Could someone explain to Peter the consequences for life on our planet of the sun standing still?]
Australian Prayer Network (APN) International Newsletter, 5 Feb. 2007:
Gospel frees a city from gangs, drugs and witchcraft - A ... dramatic story comes from San Marcos, a suburb of San Salvador that has been considered the most violent city in the nation. Gangs, drug transactions and witchcraft were festering and polluting everything within reach ... [S]ome of the pastors in the city mobilised young people from their churches ... For three months the Church fasted and prayed, asking God to transform their city and the lives of its citizens ... By January 2002, the National Police declared San Marcos violence-free ... [M]iracles began happening in the city ...
[Maybe if we fast and pray for three months, APN might stop printing rubbish like this.]
Odette Spruyt, 'There is no need to die in pain', Melbourne Age, 5 Feb. 2007:
... [T]he fear of death may be greater than ever before in our youth-oriented culture. Perhaps we need to slow down. In our rush to the finishing line we are failing to see ... the daily courage and dignity of the ill in the midst of incontinence, pain, tears and grief ...
[Thanks Odette. Most encouraging. Look, you can have all the incontinence, pain, tears and grief you want, but can the rest of us have our peaceful pill?]
Peter and Jenny Stokes, editorial, Salt Shakers Journal (SSJ), Feb. 2007, 2:
Today, in Australia, our Christian heritage is under threat like never before; our universities are occupied by the same Humanist/Marxist ideology that gave rise to Nazism and Communism last century.
[That Personal Chair of History may yet elude you, Peter.]
Emma Hughes, 'Resistance thinking in practice', SSJ, Feb. 2007, 6-7:
Coming out of a fairly sheltered Christian school where there was always an identifiable 'accepted' opinion, university presented major challenges.
[Like, for example, using your brain?]
After spending four years [at university] I am convinced that there is no possibility of the curriculum being neutral. Of course, there will be different challenges with every course, such as evolutionary theory in a Science degree.
[Yes, I can see how ridding the Science curriculum of evolutionary theory might present a slight problem. Perhaps if we all fast and pray for three months?]
Salt Shakers, 'World News - Abortion: Togo', SSJ, Feb. 2007, 19:
Togo has succumbed to United Nations pressure and expanded access to abortions to include abortions for rape and incest.
[Dreadful, isn't it? Not enough Christian missionaries, that's the trouble.]
Damien Spillane, What About Those Who Have Not Heard, CultureWatch discussion, 24 Jan. 2007, 10pm:
I can't help but think that God knows each one of us intimately and thus knows how much light would be suitable to draw us to the kingdom. Too much light for those that do not want God can be a bad thing as well. It makes them so much more accountable for their evil that they will be given extra punishment at judgement.
[Quick, anyone seen my shades?]
Babette Francis, 'Seduced by Lies', Endeavour Forum Newsletter, Feb. 2007, 1:
The unlovely cabal of feminist Senators who have instigated recent anti-life legislation in Federal Parliament ... have been seduced by the lies of egotistical scientists into believing that embryonic stem cells will provide cures for diseases.
[Good old Babette, always gracious in defeat.]
Babette Francis, 'There are values we don't need', ibid., 4:
... [H]ere are the values on which I want our immigrants to sign off ... Accept that as sport is the national religion of Australia, girls should be allowed to wear appropriate clothes for sport.
[She's being facetious, right? Guess again.]
I am occasionally furious that years ago we lost a doubles badminton final in India because my Muslim partner had to wear long pantaloons that restricted her speed around the court.
[Babette, there's something called 'closure'.]
Peter Kentley, 'Important Briefing: The Case Being Run in the Media against Danny Nalliah', Australian Marketplace Connections, Jan. 2007:
[The media claim] that Danny is part of the lunatic fringe and has called on Christians to 'pull down' brothels, bottle shops and the casino ... Anyone who knows anything about the Bible knows that in the New Testament the term to 'pull down' is a metaphor for a way of praying against the spiritual forces of darkness in this world.
[Peter, does this mean we can take other parts of the Bible 'metaphorically', too - such as Genesis, Daniel and Revelation, for example? Or should we take everything literally unless you've given us the OK? Actually, you could probably make a fortune by publishing the 'Kentley version' of the Bible with all the metaphors in bold print. That would fix everything!]
Bill Muehlenberg, 'The Missionaries of Anti-theism', CultureWatch, Discussion, 21 Jan. 2007 (1pm):
Objective moral laws are easy for me to explain, because there is an objective moral law-giver.
[We should put Bill in charge, shouldn't we? Everything seems so simple to him.]
William F. Buckley, ultraconservative American commentator, approvingly quoted in Bill Muehlenberg, 'The Death of a Dictator', CultureWatch, 3 Jan. 2007:
[Even] if fornication is wrong, there is no denying that it can bring pleasure. The death of Saddam Hussein at rope's end brings a pleasure that is undeniable, and absolutely chaste in its provenance.
[Hmm. Maybe we won't put Bill in charge just yet.]
Val Stares, Heather Jones and Annie Barnes, 'A Letter to the Nation', Above Rubies, Aug. 2006 (distributed Dec. 2006), 27:
Your children are your trophies that you can introduce to the Saviour!
[Why does the very idea of children as 'trophies' fill me with a nameless horror?]
Pastor Danny Nalliah, Catch the Fire Ministries, as quoted in John Elder, 'Faith the answer to weather woes, to a degree', Melbourne Sunday Age, 21 Jan. 2007, regarding the drought:
Pentecostal Pastor Danny Nalliah ... was not surprised that non-believers were thinking of God. 'This is what I've been hearing from so many non-Christians. They're saying to me, "You guys have to do something".'
[Name one such non-Christian, Danny. Just one, OK?]
More Danny (ibid.):
[The drought] is being seen as a sign, that we're an abundant nation that has abandoned God. That's what the God-fearing farmers of Victoria are saying to me: 'Danny, as a nation we have to repent and pray'.
[Non-Christians one day, God-fearing farmers the next. Yes, it's all 'go' for Danny.]
Donald Laycock, Khancoban, NSW, letter in (Age) Sunday Life, 7 Jan. 2007:
When science can demonstrate how one species evolves into another, perhaps Charles Darwin will be eligible to be taught in science rather than in the fiction department where he should more correctly reside.
[I hope none of you were eating as you read this.]
Don again:
Has no one informed Paul Davies that 'intelligent design' has nothing to do with creationism?
[Please, Don, change your will and donate your brain to science.]
Fatherhood Foundation, 'Eight Ways to Win Your Husband's Heart', email, 14 Jan. 2007:
Boost his ego. Men like to feel like they make a big difference in your life, even when they do trivial things such as opening a jar of peanut butter. Go ahead and praise the simple things, it's an easy way to motivate him to do even more for you!
['Blessed are the manipulators', eh? Yes, I'm pretty sure that was in the Sermon on the Mount. And as for, 'Praise the simple things', I assume that refers to the husbands.]
Brian Pickering, Australian Prayer Network (APN), 'National Solemn Assembly Update', APN Newsletter, 2 Jan. 2007:
...[P]erhaps we have reason to believe that 2007 may bring greater spiritual advance and thus greater happiness than in recent years. We base that assumption on the changing pulse of the Body of Christ that we are picking up.
[How edifying!]
...[W]e would be very appreciative to receive any amount God lays on your heart to be sent by cheque payable to the Australian Prayer Network ...
[Brian, I'm a little short ...]
We are also happy to receive credit card donations ...
[Maybe next time ...]
... or to supply bank account details to those wanting to make direct payments into our account.
[How does the hymn go? 'Tell me the old, old story ...']
Wayne Frair, 'The descent of Darwinism', Creation Ministries International, Journal of Creation, Dec. 2006, 42:
In the last chapter of 'The Naked Emperor', [Antony] Latham opines that 'The scientific community has, in general, turned a deaf ear but the paradigm [of Darwinism] is creaking' (p.247). I would agree and expect that a widespread collapse of Darwinism is inevitable in the not-too-distant future.
[Hope is a wonderful thing, Wayne. Keep right on clinging to it.]
Bill Muehlenberg, 'Rights and Wrongs in Relationship Recognition', CultureWatch, 17 Dec. 2006, regarding legal recognition of homosexual relationships:
... [I]n a world where common sense becomes less and less common, and morality is constantly being thrown out the window, we can expect more such insanity to be foisted upon us. Indeed, how much longer before the family unit is actually outlawed altogether?
[Bill, does it ever worry you that so many of your arguments end on a note of hysteria? Help is available, you know.]
Bill again, ' Christianity, Development and Progress', CultureWatch, 17 Dec. 2006:
Are rising standards of living necessarily a good thing? ... [M]aterial plenty can also be a curse. It can send leanness to the soul ... Scarcity and difficulty tend to keep people on their knees, helping them to pay more attention to their souls and the world to come.
[Yes, and they can all keep singing, 'You'll have pie in the sky when you die.']
Jim Wallace, Australian Christian Lobby, as quoted in Luke McIlveen, 'Hillsong blesses Rudd Labor', Sydney Daily Telegraph, 6 Jan. 2007:
The Australian Christian Lobby's Jim Wallace said Mr Rudd could not flaunt his Christianity without taking on difficult issues like abortion, pornography and teenage pregnancy.
[Translation: 'Hey, Rudd! Jesus wants you to ban abortion, ramp up censorship and tell teenage girls to keep their legs crossed. Anything else is anti-Christian. And don't forget it, bub.']
Gerard Goiran, Christian Democratic Party (WA), Family World News, Jan. 2007, 7:
We have laws in Australia that demand that we return undersized fish back to the sea but there is nothing to protect the undersized human foetus in the notoriously dangerous environment of a woman's womb.
[Strong contender for this year's 'Weird' award.]
Nancy Campbell, 'Is your thinking correct?', Above Rubies, Aug. 2006 (distributed Dec. 2006), 26:
The Old Testament alien gods hated children. They demanded the sacrifice of children. The same false gods are operating today through the vehicles of abortion and contraception.
[How do they dream up these bizarre analogies?]
Warwick Marsh, Fatherhood Foundation, email to supporters, 1 Jan. 2007:
... Ancient civilisations recognised initiation and the various stages of the masculine journey for many thousands of years. It would seem that Western society suffered from a serious attack of selective amnesia during the latter part of the 20th century. Perhaps this was due to the obsession with the women's liberation movement. Perhaps it was due to our innate male passivity.
[Has this been mistranslated from Swahili? It certainly makes no sense in English.]
Bill Muehlenberg, 'An Anti-Theist Outburst, Again', CultureWatch, 5 Jan. 2007:
[I hold] great fears about the militant anti-theists of our day. Today they simply save their spite for the printed page. But tomorrow their rage may take more tangible forms. We have seen it happen before and no doubt it will happen again ... One can almost imagine that these militant atheists will be there when the heads begin to roll, smiling approvingly, applauding each new whack of the guillotine.
[Enough straw men here for a fair-sized haystack. And the funny thing is, Bill himself is an enthusiastic supporter of both corporal and capital punishment.]
President George Bush, as quoted in 'Bush embraces lesbian', Melbourne Age, 18 Dec. 2006:
After insisting for years that a child should be brought up by a mother and father in a traditional home, President George Bush has given his blessing to a forthcoming birth by one of America's most famous lesbians - Mary Cheney, the daughter of Vice-President Dick Cheney. 'Mary Cheney is going to make a fine mum, and she's going to love this child a lot,' Mr Bush said. 'I'm happy for her.'
[Yea, verily, we are ruled by clowns.]
Kay Painter, American anti-abortion activist who recently toured Australia, as quoted in John Ballantyne, 'Suffering in silence no more', News Weekly, 20 Jan. 2007, 8:
There are two things we need to do: (1) make abortion illegal, and (2) make adoption easy.
[Kay, there are two things you need to realise: (1) we tried out your suggestions for several decades, and (2) they didn't work.]
John Kelly, 'Trojan horse in Classical Studies curriculum', News Weekly, 20 Jan. 2007, 15:
Far from fostering openness to a range of textually justifiable interpretations, however, it has become clear that 'multiple readings' [of SA secondary school Classical Studies texts] really means privileging, indeed, prescription, of feminist and same-sex ideologies. Literature is to be read and understood primarily through these Cyclopsian ideological filters, with a pseudo-moral squint conditioned by neo-Marxist constructions of justice and equity.
[Barry Humphries used to run a column somewhere called 'Pseuds' Corner'. I think he would have liked this one.]
Daniel John Newton, letter in Family World News, Dec. 2006, 3:
The Australian Constitution says that we have Judo Christian values which we need to accept and develop the society based on the Christian values. I am afraid to see the policies of Greens and how they can implement anti-Christian policies in the country where the constitution says that our values and conventions from Judo Christian Values. If the politicians do not encourage the to practice a right religion, I believe that they can't emphasis the right to freedom of speech and their values are incorrect. Thank you.
[Don't blame me, folks, that's exactly what it says. And it was the 'lead' letter!]
Older contributions to this section may be found in the "Out of Their Own Mouths" Archive
